Was gonna say, this our ndi herbal, herbal-drug abatyzers, have taken 'discretion' off our typical African society ni!
Believe me, they make Hot-sun experience an extremely hilarious one.
My worry though, previously they cured; HIV, Staph, Diabetes, Appendix (Holding her sides), Mouth Odour, Purging Belle (worefa that is), erm..., even Convulsion and Leprosy!
Contemporarily, they cure SOLELY sexual malfuntion!
From mah window that day I'd heard the usual
"...ma nwoke ike na agwu osiso, le ogwu gi eba! Daddy, Mummy, Oncu, Anty, Boyfren, gyafren come see dis wonu..."
*The business accent wasn't missed*
Their van was steadily approaching, all sort of unprintable 'adverts' renting the Hot noon sun and shattering the teachers' mild scream of 'Oh Roja is dead'. The innocent kids had excitedly been repeating the badly taught Old Rogger, little notice of ndi Herbal. The teacher's voice suddenly pitched to a shrieking high, propelling my reflex stopping of both ears and cringing from nothing in particular.
"Is she crazy?!" I asked no one still.
"Does she think her bell voice is Nightanglish?!"
I felt frustrated. Drat!
My emotions trippled as she maintained the kill-pitch with resilient effort, the strain on the voice sure would make every possible Romeo UNLOVE singing Teacher Juliet.
While the qwi-qwi pitch held with vigour, ndi herbal drew closer, 'advert' louder still. I was torn between maintaining my unsolicited anger at Teacher kill-Pitch and holding my sides from splitting, courtesy of ndi herbal.
"...were oso bia were ya, ana akpo nkahu ibi, ibi na nwoke bu..."
(literally, "...take race and come take it, they call that one Ibi... Ibi is..." (Ibi should be the 'swelling of the scrotal sac'.)
I carved in, this people were just impossible!
Teacher Pitch began screaming, just like that! It was now obvious she was trying to drown the 'aru' (abomination) spiling from the 'vulgar' advert (I laff!).
Imagine a heavily eastern-accented shrill voice pitched against a fully blasting eastern speaker. Ok, don't imagine no more, its unpossible. More like, a miscalculated attempt.
"...O ROJA GOT UPu..." the scream was almost deafening.
"O roja got upu..." the poor kids repeated.
"...AND GAVE HA A KNOCKK.." The 'k' sound was distinct.
"...and gave ha IBI!", one child hastily repeated, obviously 'corrupted' by ndi herbal. Don't blame him, the 'ibi' rant was being overly emphasized.
I sat hard on ma bed, couldn't get enough of the laugh, I wished someone could share the priceless moment.
Oh Africa, what wrong have these innocent babes done you?!
You can't figure how the Teacher probably froze before her pupils. The very thing she had tried to prevent, the very 'corruption' she had feared from those damned speakers had infiltrated her pupil's mind. Next I heard was,
"I we ki you today! Stupid child! Instead of you to concentlate, you we rada listen to ndi ala ndia! Stupid! Stupid! What do you know, eh? Akwukwo, e maro, obu, obu I..., I.." Each sentence, was puntuated by the sound of wiping.
"e..., e... what?! Pronounce it nah, wicked woman! Pious ni!" I blurted in defence of the poor child I couldn't see.
Why punish the poor child for a crime he did not commit? Was it his fault ndi herbal lacked supposed discretion?!
Dear African Parents, ndi herbal have come to stay, at least until they stop curing solely sexual malfunction and begin curing Ebola, it isn't what your child picks from them that would destroy his/her future, it's how you TRAIN your child in the way he/should grow that would determine what he makes of his environs and the 'voluntary' information at his/her disposal.
"...ma nwoke ike na agwu osiso, le ogwu gi eba! Daddy, Mummy, Oncu, Anty, Boyfren, gyafren come see dis wonu..."
*The business accent wasn't missed*
Their van was steadily approaching, all sort of unprintable 'adverts' renting the Hot noon sun and shattering the teachers' mild scream of 'Oh Roja is dead'. The innocent kids had excitedly been repeating the badly taught Old Rogger, little notice of ndi Herbal. The teacher's voice suddenly pitched to a shrieking high, propelling my reflex stopping of both ears and cringing from nothing in particular.
"Is she crazy?!" I asked no one still.
"Does she think her bell voice is Nightanglish?!"
I felt frustrated. Drat!
My emotions trippled as she maintained the kill-pitch with resilient effort, the strain on the voice sure would make every possible Romeo UNLOVE singing Teacher Juliet.
While the qwi-qwi pitch held with vigour, ndi herbal drew closer, 'advert' louder still. I was torn between maintaining my unsolicited anger at Teacher kill-Pitch and holding my sides from splitting, courtesy of ndi herbal.
"...were oso bia were ya, ana akpo nkahu ibi, ibi na nwoke bu..."
(literally, "...take race and come take it, they call that one Ibi... Ibi is..." (Ibi should be the 'swelling of the scrotal sac'.)
I carved in, this people were just impossible!
Teacher Pitch began screaming, just like that! It was now obvious she was trying to drown the 'aru' (abomination) spiling from the 'vulgar' advert (I laff!).
Imagine a heavily eastern-accented shrill voice pitched against a fully blasting eastern speaker. Ok, don't imagine no more, its unpossible. More like, a miscalculated attempt.
"...O ROJA GOT UPu..." the scream was almost deafening.
"O roja got upu..." the poor kids repeated.
"...AND GAVE HA A KNOCKK.." The 'k' sound was distinct.
"...and gave ha IBI!", one child hastily repeated, obviously 'corrupted' by ndi herbal. Don't blame him, the 'ibi' rant was being overly emphasized.
I sat hard on ma bed, couldn't get enough of the laugh, I wished someone could share the priceless moment.
Oh Africa, what wrong have these innocent babes done you?!
You can't figure how the Teacher probably froze before her pupils. The very thing she had tried to prevent, the very 'corruption' she had feared from those damned speakers had infiltrated her pupil's mind. Next I heard was,
"I we ki you today! Stupid child! Instead of you to concentlate, you we rada listen to ndi ala ndia! Stupid! Stupid! What do you know, eh? Akwukwo, e maro, obu, obu I..., I.." Each sentence, was puntuated by the sound of wiping.
"e..., e... what?! Pronounce it nah, wicked woman! Pious ni!" I blurted in defence of the poor child I couldn't see.
Why punish the poor child for a crime he did not commit? Was it his fault ndi herbal lacked supposed discretion?!
Dear African Parents, ndi herbal have come to stay, at least until they stop curing solely sexual malfunction and begin curing Ebola, it isn't what your child picks from them that would destroy his/her future, it's how you TRAIN your child in the way he/should grow that would determine what he makes of his environs and the 'voluntary' information at his/her disposal.
Concentrate on training the entire personality of your child, not on hiding them from the world. Don't forget it's the same world they are expected to subdue. Teach them how to subdue, not how to run from subjection. When you have done your training, Teacher Kill-Pitch and the likes, wouldn't have to rip our ear drums, trying to 'protect' your children from ndi herbal.
We love Nigeria, ndi herbal and all, but We Love better a Nigeria where children are trained at home and garnished in school NOT otherwise.
So dear, train your child in the way he should go for when he is old, he would train his own child too, and..., ndi herbal or not, Our society would still be 'preserved'.
Still sorry for you, poor child.
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